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Teleportation: getting across campus in the blink of an eye

by Courtney Deeren
Tue, May 7th 2019 11:00 pm

In light of recent student complaints about the parking situation, Brockport officials have decided to implement teleportation stations across campus to aid students in getting back and forth after parking their cars. With the number of commuting students rising and the parking lots filling fast, Brockport had to figure out a new way to allow students to easily get around campus at will. 

The answer to this problem: teleportation. After scientists in China were able to teleport photons to a satellite 300 miles away, Brockport got even more serious about making this a reality for their campus. They brought in scientist Miles A. Head to tackle the big project. Head has been working diligently and has finally perfected his machines. 

“It’s been a long time coming,” Head said. “This summer we will be putting the teleportation stations in every parking lot and academic building as well as the dorms.” 

Each parking lot will get a centrally located station that students will be able to use. It will look similar to an elevator, with buttons students will be able to push on the inside to teleport to whatever building they need to go to. The dorms will also have one station per floor and each academic building will have one. While none are going into the dining halls as of now, Head says that will be an upcoming project. 

“Financially speaking, we aren’t able to do the whole campus all at once,” Head said. “We eventually hope to get them in all buildings as well as some off-campus locations and student housing. If landlords and other village municipalities are willing to work with us that is.” 

One Brockport student is hoping this solves all her issues. Mona Lott shared her frustration over the parking dilemma. 

“I pay for a parking pass every semester and there is never enough parking,” Lott said. “One time I got a ticket because my class went late and the meter ran out of money. When I went online to dispute it they said that lack of spaces wasn’t a valid reason. They said there is parking all across campus, just some spots aren’t as convenient.” 

Lott is looking forward to trying the stations but has some reservations. “I mean it seems cool,” Lott said. “But I guess I am a little worried because it’s so new. I mean, they wouldn’t let us do something dangerous though, would they?” 

Another student, Earl E. Bird, said that while he has no trouble with parking, he wouldn’t mind being able to teleport during the colder months. 

“I always get here early for a spot,” Bird said. “But it would be kind of nice to not have to walk through the cold snow to get between buildings.” 

While parking is the main reason Brockport worked so hard to get this system in place, an added bonus is that there won’t be any need for snow days. 

An official for Brockport, Polly C. Holder spoke in favor of the stations. 

“Most people will probably be skeptical of this new technology,” Holder said. “However, we think this will significantly cut back on the need for snow days since students won’t have to be walking back and forth across campus.” 

As for commuters, Holder thinks it will only be a matter of time before Head is able to create stations that are suitable for homes and apartments. 

“Now, they are considerably large, but I don’t think it will take Miles long to figure out how to make them smaller,” Holder said. “I think he could even get them small enough to be portable if he really puts his mind to it.” 

Professor Rex Cars hopes that can become a reality. 

“I hate driving,” Cars said. “Especially in the winter months. My commute isn’t terribly long but there are always accidents along the highway.” 

Cars is excited to use the system to get between his office and academic buildings. “This would really cut back on the time I spend in commute,” Cars said. “I could have more office hours between my classes.” 

While there is some skepticism about this new technology, the Brockport community seems to be excited to try it out. 

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